"When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and
remember each other."

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Just to fill you in. . .

Recently, an old friend of mine was noticing some strange facebook posts from me. She finally put the pieces together and realized that I have finally come out of the closer. She proceeded to ask me some questions (which I loved) and I wrote her back. I decided to post my response to her questions here so that anybody can read them. I really have no shame and will answer any questions that anybody might have. I just want everybody to realize that I'm still the same person, just a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

My response to her questions:

Let's face it. I've pretty much always known. I just felt that it was wrong. I thought that if I was obedient it would just fall off like a scab and I would be normal eventually. I even remember back in fourth grade feeling like I thought other boys were cute and thinking that there must be something wrong with me.
I finally acknowledged that it wasn't going away last fall. I was playing the keyboard for Little Shop of Horrors in Magna and found somebody that I thought would be worth pursuing. I remember actually saying out loud "I'm gay" while I was driving home from the play one night.
I dated that guy for a while, and started slowly coming out to very close friends and to my family. I told my brothers on new years and they were very accepting (and not really surprised). I told my parents late at night on Valentine's Day. The whole family has been really great about everything.
As far as my spirituality is concerned, I don't feel any less spiritual. I just channel my spirituality a little differently now. I obviously have left the church, but I don't feel any hostility toward any of its members. I understand that (most) of their concerns stem from a deeply founded belief that I have "chosen" condemnation and that can be hard for a lot of people to understand. However, I know that God would never make someone feel guilty about who they are. I suppose I COULD try harder. . . ya know, find some poor, innocent girl, hurry her to the temple and continue to suppress whatever instincts I might be feeling, but the risk of snapping later in life is too great and I don't see the need to involve somebody else in that.
My coming out journey has been rather pleasant. In fact, sometimes I wonder why I deserve just an easy road. My family is super understanding, I haven't really lost any friends. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is a huge part of my life. It's unfortunate, but in our community, not a lot of young men get to have such an easy time with this. You probably weren't aware, but within the last month, there have been 3 young, gay, mormon boys who have taken their own lives. Devastating.
Thanks for taking an interest, and if anybody asks you what's going on, perhaps you can educate them a little.
I miss you, but I consider you a lifer in the friend department.
Love You,

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Consider the towel thrown in.

June has been a wonderful month of transition for me. Here are some of the highlights:

- PRIDE: I had the privilege of participating in the Pride Parade downtown as part of the Wells Fargo Corporate entry. I was the Green color captain. It really was such a great experience. I'm glad that I was wearing sunglasses for the parade because I actually got a little emotional when it started. My wonderful mother, sister, and brother joined me in the parade. As we set off on our march, we turned the corner onto the parade route and were greeted by a huge street lined with screaming supporters. I saw the hordes of support on the streets, then I turned to see the people I love the most at my side. It truly was a great moment that I will cherish forever. Thank you to all of my dear friends who joined me on the green team. Also, I am so grateful to work for a company that takes pride in me!

- The weekend after Pride was almost as great. Saturday after work, Ty and his girlfriend joined me for a drive to sunny Elko, Nevada to visit our cousin Hank. We checked in at our impeccably terrifying hotel/casino and hopped over to Hank's house for a little party. The next morning we had a lovely breakfast with my dear cuz Max and his family. One of those moments that should last a lot longer than it really did. Good times.

- I then headed back to Salt Lake, hopped in the shower, and hit the road again. This time I was alone. I headed up to Rock Springs to visit a friend and began my solo vacation for the year. I spent a lot of time alone in my hotel just writing. It was very therapeutic and I would recommend it to everybody. I stayed in Rock Springs for two nights then headed to exotic Montpelier, Idaho (10 miles north of Paris). The drive was beautiful and the little town was very picturesque.

- After two nights in Montpelier, I headed home to see my little sister's first performance in a play. She was the Shrew in "Taming of the Shrew". I have never been more proud of her. She slapped a boy (twice) during the play and I loved it. Hopefully she picked up a few best practices from the character she played.

- I BUZZED MY HEAD. I have always said that I don't want to be one of those balding gentleman who refuses to let go, so I did it. I have embraced my shiny scalp and I feel like it actually looks pretty good.

- After that, I just enjoyed an entire week off from work. I did absolutely nothing. I literally spent an entire day watching a season of America's Next Top Model and I am not ashamed of it. It was just what I needed to recharge my battery.

I loved June, and July is shaping up to be a great month as well. Perhaps I will update my blog more frequently. Perhaps I won't.