A little help, please

Dear Friends,
Recently, I became involved with a local non-profit organization that you might have heard of.  I somehow ended up on the steering committee for the Utah AIDS Foundation Walk for Life.  Please take a moment and follow the link to my donation page.  I have set a goal to reach $500.  Every little bit will help.


Thank you
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/kylemantas/walkforlife

Wet, Hot Mess

Hello all!!!

I am so sorry it has been so long since I updated you on my Quest for Kyle. To be honest, I haven't made much headway. I gave up soda there for a minute, then I realized that I was replacing the carbonated void with beer. Imagine my shock when I failed to lose any weight.

Never fear!!! Bikram is here!

A dear friend of mine has been raving about the benefits of doing Bikram yoga. For those of you who don't know what this is, allow me to explain. Bikram is basic yoga - done in a 120 degree room with an incredible amount of humidity. I had my first class a couple days ago and I loved it.

On the way to the yoga studio, my friend was giving me all sorts of tips and best practices.

"Keep your eyes open and focus on yourself in the mirror."

"Breathe through your nose."

"If you think you're going to fart, stand in the back."

She had prepped me the day before by warning that I need to be completely hydrated in order to survive. I drank at least 14 bottles of water throughout the day.

When we walked into the studio, it wasn't the heat or humidity that startled me. It was the overwhelming smell of curry. "Great," I thought to myself... "I get to work out while being constantly reminded of my love for Indian cuisine."

My friend instructed me to lay my newly purchased yoga mat on the line behind her. I let the mat unroll, hitting the ground with a thud - apparently disrupting the pre-meditative state of my fellow classmates.

I hushedly finished setting up and laid on the mat, waiting for class to begin.

Only three long minutes after class was scheduled to begin, a short, perky lady walked in with a Britney Spears microphone around her ear.

"Welcome friends. I hear we have some new friends among us. Raise your hands."

I followed the instruction.

"Hello new friends. What are your names?"

My fellow greenie was named Peter. It took all the energy I had left from laying in the extreme climate to audibly pronounce my name for the instructor.

"Your name is Ky?"

"Ye..."

Great. Class has been going for all of three minutes, and I've already lost my ability to articulate - that's all I had going for me up until this point.

And so we began...

My entire day before class was spent researching Bikram. I knew for damn sure that I wasn't about to wear the standard tiny shorts worn by my fellow yogies. I showed up in compression shorts, some gym shorts, and a dry-fit tennis shirt. Apparently I was overdressed...

During one of the starting poses the teacher looked at me and said "Maybe some shorter shorts next time? The shorter the better..."

Easy for her to say. Perky little thing.

Class continued, and I was feeling silly. That is, or course, up until the point where I almost passed out. I had been told before class that I shouldn't feel bad about needing to sit down during the class. Unfortunately, I am driven by competition and being a bad-ass (surprised?) and felt like sitting down would be unacceptable. My mind quickly changed when I felt the contents of my stomach attempt to cross my esophageal sphincter.

So I sat.

In sweaty shame.

The class continued around me, as I watched all of these super-humans fold and twist their bodies into previously unimaginable poses.

When I finally felt well enough to not vomit, I stood up and dove right back into the class. I only had to sit down two or three more times throughout the rest of the class.

Don't let what sounds like a miserable experience fool you. I loved it. I walked out of the room feeling a sense of accomplishment that I haven't felt since I lost my first tennis match. Though I was unable to complete all of the poses, I still felt incredible. I had found this previously untapped source of energy somewhere inside me. I knew I had accomplished something when I stared down the Taco Bell on the way home from class and had no desire for a bean n cheese burrito (with no onions).

The next morning, I practically jumped out of bed. Feeling renewed and amazing. I didn't need my usual morning RockStar (sugar-free, taurine-full, of course).

Needless to say (?)... I can't wait to go back.

Quest for Kyle

Announcing... The summer of change...

I'm calling it the Quest for Kyle, and here's what needs to happen.

August 23rd will be what I'm calling my "Golden Birthday." I am turning 23, on the 23rd... it'll only happen once.

So... to celebrate the occasion, I will be traveling with my besties to the happiest place on earth - Disneyworld! During our trip, we will be seeing my favorite artist (Andrew McMahon) perform. It's going to be amazing.

But, before I can celebrate, I need to make some changes...

I currently weigh more than I ever have. Ever.

My goal is to lose 30 pounds by August 15th.

I have successfully eliminated soda from my diet, and now it's time to step it up.

In order for the Quest for Kyle to be successful - I'm going to need the help of my friends. That being said, I have one simple request:

Don't let me go to dinner with you. I mean it.

The Year in Review

I realize that this post is pretty vague and not entirely entertaining. The thing of it is, though, that I don't really care. This year was pretty much the best year of my life. It was the kind of year where I could literally feel myself growing (both physically and emotionally.) While not free of tragedy, there is nothing about 2010 that I would change.

Here's the low-down of what happened in 2010:

January:

• New Year's Day - Told brothers that I'm gay.
• Moved in with my new best buddy, Richie.
  
• January 31st - Threw a sweet substitute party in lieu of my brother's wedding. I'm the best best-man there ever was at a wedding that didn't happen.

February:

• Valentine's Day - Told my parents that I'm gay, received Bon Jovi's Greatest Hits album.

March:

• My little sister turned twelve.
• I went on a road trip to Disneyland/Something Corporate with my buds Richie and Melissa.

April-May:

• First hangover?

June:

• First experience at the Pride festival, see previous blog.
• Solo road trip to Wyoming/Idaho.

July:

• 4th of July: first time introducing a boy to my parents and grandma. Quote from grandma - "Your friend is nice."

August:

• Turned 22.
  

September:

• Grandpa Wood passed away. He had a huge impact on the lives of many, all for the better.

October:

• Started new position at the bank. Love it.

November:

• Worked hard.

December:

• Worked harder.
• Reprised my role as "Santa Clause" at a friend's family Christmas Eve party, still hated Christmas.

2011 will be just as good, if not better.

Day 366

Yesterday I received a beautiful text from one of my best friends.

"I'm proud of you. This year was amazing for you. I'm so honored to be friends with you and witness your growth. I love you. A lot."

The person who sent me this text is the first person that I came out to. A year ago, yesterday.

A lot has happened since that day. A couple days later, I went on my first date with a man. I wore the gayest outfit I had (argyle sweater, jeans, and nice shoes). We went to Brewvies (my first time at a bar) and saw "Where the Wild Things Are."

Irrelevant? Yes. Insignificant? Not to me.

I have learned a lot over the last year. Here are a couple highlights that I would like to share with the world:

• Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I get to be a bitch.
• Being out of the closet is not the equivalent of a degree in design.
• Not everything matches.
• I am not shaped by stereotypes.
• People are usually ready for more than you'd think.

I guess, on the whole, I am one of the luckiest guys I know. Over the past year, I have met a lot of interesting people. Most of the guys I have met have not had the most supportive coming out experience. Sometimes I feel spoiled. I'm not sure what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I have no complaints.

Thanks for being great.

A Trio of Thought and Inspiration.

• First off, I love my mother. She's what I like to call " The Shit." Pardon the language, but mother wouldn't have it said any other way :) Hence, the awesomeness.

• Secondly, I love this group with one-fourth of my heart. One of the greatest albums ever made, here is one of the highlight songs of the album. The album is "Lungs" by Florence and the Machine.

• Thirdly, I caved and bought a Katy Perry album. If I wasn't out of the closet before, I certainly am now. Check out this video and welcome the inspirational thoughts.

An update

I have been meaning to post something for quite some time now. Here is a list of topics that I have been wanting to blog about:

• People who suck at driving.
• Friends being awesome.
• Family being awesome.
• People who shouldn't be driving anymore.
• Road construction.
• Starting a new job (promotion!).
• Honking my car horn.
• Florence + The Machine.
• Katy Perry (spelling?).
• Thai food.
• Angels in America.
• Still being gay.
• Political discussions with Grandma.
• Crappy drivers almost killing me.
• The Crazy Corn Maze.
• Halloween [don't ask ;) ... ].
• Honesty.
• Dishonesty.
• Night drives (when the crazies are off the road).
• Scissor Sisters.
• My first parking ticket (having nothing to do with me being a better driver than everyone else).
• The pursuit of _______.

Obviously, I cannot be expected to write posts dedicated to each topic. Use your imagine, if you're really wondering how my life is going :)

Thank you and good night!

Becoming a Man

Here is a condensed list of manly things I have done lately:

• Joined not one, but TWO Fantasy Football Leagues and (until this week) dominated BOTH of them. My team names? The Superflies, and The Silver Mullet.
• Attended an NFL opener party at a pub, starting the night off with a Bud Light rather than my usual Long Island.
• Drove a truck with a nasty "Skin" window sticker on the back (please ignore the fact that I drove the truck to Ikea.)
• Read Maxim, and enjoyed it.
• Watched Summerslam.
• Played on a softball team.
• Started my second bowling team - "The Gutter-Done's"
• Wore University of Utah garb in public and actively followed the score throughout the night, insulting the Cougars at every opportunity.
• Shaved (and regrew) my beard in a week's time.
• Potato-sack raced.
• Wore a baseball hat.
• Kissed a girl

Okay, that last one was a lie. . . I did kiss a boy though ;)

A Proverb

Flake me once? - Head'n'Shoulders
Flake me twice? - You're infected

Tokyo Tea makes me super wise.

It Was A Matter Of Time

I just need you to hear this.

. . . Like The Hulk

I have been shredding my clothes lately.

Last Friday, as I was bending down to get into my car, I heard a sound that I am surprised I never heard sooner. It was the unwelcomed, but unsurprising sound of my pants ripping directly down the middle of my backside.

Peachy.

At first, I handled it well. These pants and I had been through a lot together. These were the same pants that I bought from Mr. Mac (a.k.a. God's haberdashery) before my mission. I have had them for just over three years (and 60-75 lbs) and was ready for them to leave my side.

But then it got worse.

I drove home and moon-walked inside with a random jacket from the back of my car covering my behind. I walked in and laughed about the incident with my mom and my cousin. While we were laughing at my expense, I sheepishly raised my arm behind my head to scratch an itch (or itch a scratch if you're a redneck). My mom started staring at my elbow and told me there was a hole in my shirt.

Damn.

By this point, I had had enough. My reaction was nothing short of "Hulk"-ish behavior. I bent my arm at the elbow and flexed. The hole on my elbow grew until I was able to rip my sleeve off from the elbow down.

For the sake of symmetry, I did the same thing to the other sleeve.

I then walked down the my brother's room and summoned the best Hulk Hogan impression I could muster. I grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled it apart, buttons and all.

I could tell it was going to be a good weekend.

The next day. I went shopping.

21 & Invincible

Since tomorrow is my birthday, I wanted to make a quick list of what I did while I was 21.

1. I camped in Circleville with some wonderful people who know what is important in life.
2. I drove to Denver with strangers and drove home with new family.
3. I met one of my musical influences - Andrew McMahon.
4. I witnessed a meeting of the gods when Elton John and Billy Joel joined forces in SL, UT.
5. I played keyboard for two musicals.
6. I bought a brand new car.
7. I came out of the closet.
8. I saw a billion movies.
9. I rediscovered my love of books.
10. I moved three times.
11. I played on a softball team.
12. I saw the Backstreet Boys perform.
13. I saw Ben Folds perform (with the Utah Symphony).
14. I ate brie and triscuits.
15. I got a tattoo.
16. I danced on two pianos simultaneously.
17. I toasted my brother at a night in his honor.
18. I went on a business trip.
19. I shot a big-ass gun.
20. I danced a lot.
21. I fell in love.
    

The Superhero

Today is my last day of being 21. But yesterday was when the magic happened.

Last night, I had the wonderful opportunity of seeing one of my favorite performers with his old band. The wonderful Andrew McMahon brought the old boys of Something Corporate to Salt Lake City. I love Andrew concerts because I always get to see my fellow Fandrew McFan's and just enjoy the experience.

The concert itself was wonderful (of course), but nothing more to write about there.

The excitement began after the concert.

Myself and two of my dear friends made our way back to the car where we waited for my buddy and the girl he brought with him to buy shirts and come out. I got tired of leaning against the car and wandered by myself to a nice little stoop on the corner. I sat and thought and savored the night by myself for a moment or two. A nice ragged man greeted me with a "How's it going?" and walked past me up the stoop. He reached down and grabbed his sleeping bag and went to find another place to sleep. I felt pretty bad for inadvertently stealing a homeless man's turf, but I didn't really have time to beat myself up about it.

My two friends had a heated discussion about who knows what and one of them came over to join me on the stoop. I could see that she was fresh from a passionate discussion. She was in one of those places where she has hopelessly hopeful. That's the best I can do do describe it. After a couple heavy sighs the other friend made her way over to join us. Immediately after she sat down on the stoop, another man approached pushing a shopping cart. He asked us if we could use a drink. We politely/nervously declined and thanked him anyway. He wouldn't take no for an answer as he calmly reached into his cooler and pulled out three ice cold sodas. He gave us each a can (how did he know I love grade soda?) and started to talk.
"My name's Buck," he says, "remember my name. I recently got a $200 ticket for giving somebody a can of Pepsi at Pioneer Park. The policeman walked right past a crack dealer and a man with an open bottle of Vodka to give me a ticket for giving a homeless man a Pepsi. I'm going to court to fight it." He continued to tell us how it's only when we lose everything that we really have anything to give. He moved to Salt Lake to battle cancer that should have killed him 18 months ago. He was commissioned by a wealthy man to stay in a house and make sure the homeless don't sleep in his trucks. So now, Buck lets the homeless stay with him in the house. He talked about how the only thing in life that matters is love. "People don't say hi to each other any more." He said and his point was illustrated as a group of young people walked by with their heads down. All Buck likes to do is walk around downtown with his shopping cart, giving food/drinks to the needy.
I met a Superhero last night. One day I hope to see Buck again when I'm in a position to give him a hand.

Just to fill you in. . .

Recently, an old friend of mine was noticing some strange facebook posts from me. She finally put the pieces together and realized that I have finally come out of the closer. She proceeded to ask me some questions (which I loved) and I wrote her back. I decided to post my response to her questions here so that anybody can read them. I really have no shame and will answer any questions that anybody might have. I just want everybody to realize that I'm still the same person, just a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

My response to her questions:

Let's face it. I've pretty much always known. I just felt that it was wrong. I thought that if I was obedient it would just fall off like a scab and I would be normal eventually. I even remember back in fourth grade feeling like I thought other boys were cute and thinking that there must be something wrong with me.
I finally acknowledged that it wasn't going away last fall. I was playing the keyboard for Little Shop of Horrors in Magna and found somebody that I thought would be worth pursuing. I remember actually saying out loud "I'm gay" while I was driving home from the play one night.
I dated that guy for a while, and started slowly coming out to very close friends and to my family. I told my brothers on new years and they were very accepting (and not really surprised). I told my parents late at night on Valentine's Day. The whole family has been really great about everything.
As far as my spirituality is concerned, I don't feel any less spiritual. I just channel my spirituality a little differently now. I obviously have left the church, but I don't feel any hostility toward any of its members. I understand that (most) of their concerns stem from a deeply founded belief that I have "chosen" condemnation and that can be hard for a lot of people to understand. However, I know that God would never make someone feel guilty about who they are. I suppose I COULD try harder. . . ya know, find some poor, innocent girl, hurry her to the temple and continue to suppress whatever instincts I might be feeling, but the risk of snapping later in life is too great and I don't see the need to involve somebody else in that.
My coming out journey has been rather pleasant. In fact, sometimes I wonder why I deserve just an easy road. My family is super understanding, I haven't really lost any friends. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is a huge part of my life. It's unfortunate, but in our community, not a lot of young men get to have such an easy time with this. You probably weren't aware, but within the last month, there have been 3 young, gay, mormon boys who have taken their own lives. Devastating.
Thanks for taking an interest, and if anybody asks you what's going on, perhaps you can educate them a little.
I miss you, but I consider you a lifer in the friend department.
Love You,
Kyle

Consider the towel thrown in.

June has been a wonderful month of transition for me. Here are some of the highlights:

- PRIDE: I had the privilege of participating in the Pride Parade downtown as part of the Wells Fargo Corporate entry. I was the Green color captain. It really was such a great experience. I'm glad that I was wearing sunglasses for the parade because I actually got a little emotional when it started. My wonderful mother, sister, and brother joined me in the parade. As we set off on our march, we turned the corner onto the parade route and were greeted by a huge street lined with screaming supporters. I saw the hordes of support on the streets, then I turned to see the people I love the most at my side. It truly was a great moment that I will cherish forever. Thank you to all of my dear friends who joined me on the green team. Also, I am so grateful to work for a company that takes pride in me!

- The weekend after Pride was almost as great. Saturday after work, Ty and his girlfriend joined me for a drive to sunny Elko, Nevada to visit our cousin Hank. We checked in at our impeccably terrifying hotel/casino and hopped over to Hank's house for a little party. The next morning we had a lovely breakfast with my dear cuz Max and his family. One of those moments that should last a lot longer than it really did. Good times.

- I then headed back to Salt Lake, hopped in the shower, and hit the road again. This time I was alone. I headed up to Rock Springs to visit a friend and began my solo vacation for the year. I spent a lot of time alone in my hotel just writing. It was very therapeutic and I would recommend it to everybody. I stayed in Rock Springs for two nights then headed to exotic Montpelier, Idaho (10 miles north of Paris). The drive was beautiful and the little town was very picturesque.

- After two nights in Montpelier, I headed home to see my little sister's first performance in a play. She was the Shrew in "Taming of the Shrew". I have never been more proud of her. She slapped a boy (twice) during the play and I loved it. Hopefully she picked up a few best practices from the character she played.

- I BUZZED MY HEAD. I have always said that I don't want to be one of those balding gentleman who refuses to let go, so I did it. I have embraced my shiny scalp and I feel like it actually looks pretty good.

- After that, I just enjoyed an entire week off from work. I did absolutely nothing. I literally spent an entire day watching a season of America's Next Top Model and I am not ashamed of it. It was just what I needed to recharge my battery.

I loved June, and July is shaping up to be a great month as well. Perhaps I will update my blog more frequently. Perhaps I won't.

Play Ball

Well, I avoided it for as long as I could, but the time finally came for me to play in one of my softball games. I somehow managed to find a reason to miss the first four weeks of the season, but ran out of options this time around. There was no escape.
A couple months ago, my brother, Todd, talked me into joining him and a bunch of his friends on a men's league softball team. Aptly named, The Hitmen, our team consists of Todd's besties from high school and their brothers, the three Mantas boys, and my all-too-willing buddy Richard. Excluding myself and Richard, the rest of the team has played before (at least, that is, within the last ten years). Before last night, I can't remember the last time I picked up a bat. . . Oh, wait. . . I can remember. My cousins and I used to challenge my grandpa's neighbor girls to softball games. My cousins always made me be on the girl's team. I remember being up to bat. The pitch came my way. I swung. Made contact. Then something hit me in the face. That's right. I managed to angle the my swing just right so that the ball smacked me in the eye right off the bat.
After hearing that story, you can see why I was so hesitant to finally show up for a game. . .
Well, I got to the field and thought I should probably warm up a little bit. Richard and I took our places next to the real athletes and began playing catch. We got more and more excited each time one of us caught it. Between each throw, I found myself making comments like "Isn't there a musical somewhere that I should be watching?", "Do I throw like a girl?", etc. . .
The time finally came for the game to start. My brother posted the batting line up and I waited anxiously in the dug-out for my turn. Luckily, we had our third out right before it was my turn to bat. This meant that I could get the first out of the next inning and feel okay about it.
They graciously placed me in right-field, and promised me that nobody ever hits it out there. Wrong. A hit rolled my way, apparently I did a good job stopping it and getting it back to the pitcher.
After that inning, it was my turn to hit. I marched up to the plate, making sure to shake my booty a little extra, hoping the other team would take it easy on me [why I thought a booty shake would insight sympathy? I will never know, but it's all I had]
Anyway, the umpire [or "blue" as I like to call him] said "play ball" and I raised a shaky bat over my shoulder. The pitch came slowly [the booty shake must have worked] and I swung. I made contact and the ball dropped to the ground five feet in front of me. Oh well. . . It was still in play, so I took off toward first base. I ran as fast as my chubby little legs could carry me. I was kind of slow, but once I started going, nothing could stop me [ a lot like that X-Man "Juggernaught"]. When I crossed first base, I tried to stop myself right on the base. My shoes had virtually no traction and my body kept going. I stopped moving my legs, but my top half advanced. I spun, lept, spun again, and fell to the ground. I rolled in the air to make sure I landed on my back. I hit the dirt and a shovel full of dirt made it's way down my shorts, which started making their way down my butt.
To add to my embarrassment, I wasn't sure if I was out. So I got up and walked to first base to ask the first base coach if I was out. He nodded and I made my triumphant return to the dug out.
Now, don't take this event as an indication that I was a failure for my team. Each of my three at bats ended with me hitting the ball. My 2nd up was a single, and I eventually made it to home on my 3rd.
It was a fun time, and I have no reason to be surprised by the way things turned out. I look forward to next week. I will be buying better shoes before then, so there will be nothing stopping me.
I am the Juggernaught.

My Favorite TV Show

Yep. . . I'm a gLeek.

My Favorite Book

I have been on quite a reading kick lately, so this question is more difficult to answer than it would have been a couple years ago. However, there is one book that will always be my favorite. Always. Most people make have a pained expression when I tell them that this book is my favorite, but I have my reasons, I promise.
My all-time favorite book is "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck. I think the reason most people get so uptight when I mention this book is because they were probably forced to read it for school. I had the privilege of reading the classic before it was assigned to me and it made all the difference. I would encourage everybody to revisit "Grapes", as well as any other piece of classic literature that may or may not have been ruined by unreasonable reading deadlines.

My favorite movie

Well, I'm a kid who just loves to watch movies. It's probably my second most favorite thing to do. So, choosing a favorite is just about impossible.
Recently, I have taken to liking the work of Quentin Tarantino. I could watch the Kill Bill Vol. 1 once a week if I was able to.
However, the blog aid didn't ask what my favoriteS are. . . just one. So, without further ado, my favorite movie:
Here's a hint, it stars five girls from England in really large shoes. . .



Enjoy!

Blog Aid - My Favorite Song

I got this list off of my dear friend Rachel's blog and I'm going to use it.
The first item on the list is to blog about your favorite song.

I have a couple favorite songs depending on my mood. When I am sulking, I like to listen to my boy Sufjan Stevens.


My favorite song to karaoke would have to be Madonna's "Vogue". Unfortunately, I can't find a video that will let me post it on this page. . . You should listen to it. I'm pretty excited that the Glee cast is releasing their own version of the song on April 20th.





Day 01 → Your favorite song
Day 02 → Your favorite movie
Day 03 → Your favorite book
Day 04 → Your favorite television show
Day 05 → Your favorite quote
Day 06 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 → A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 → A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 → A photo you took
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 → A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 → A fictional book
Day 14 → A non-fictional book
Day 15 → A fanfic
Day 16 → A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 → An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 → A talent of yours
Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Day 21 → A recipe
Day 22 → A website
Day 23 → A YouTube video
Day 24 → Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 → Your day, in great detail
Day 26 → Your week, in great detail
Day 27 → This month, in great detail
Day 28 → This year, in great detail
Day 29 → Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 → Whatever tickles your fancy