Recently, an old friend of mine was noticing some strange facebook posts from me. She finally put the pieces together and realized that I have finally come out of the closer. She proceeded to ask me some questions (which I loved) and I wrote her back. I decided to post my response to her questions here so that anybody can read them. I really have no shame and will answer any questions that anybody might have. I just want everybody to realize that I'm still the same person, just a lot more comfortable in my own skin.
My response to her questions:
Let's face it. I've pretty much always known. I just felt that it was wrong. I thought that if I was obedient it would just fall off like a scab and I would be normal eventually. I even remember back in fourth grade feeling like I thought other boys were cute and thinking that there must be something wrong with me.
I finally acknowledged that it wasn't going away last fall. I was playing the keyboard for Little Shop of Horrors in Magna and found somebody that I thought would be worth pursuing. I remember actually saying out loud "I'm gay" while I was driving home from the play one night.
I dated that guy for a while, and started slowly coming out to very close friends and to my family. I told my brothers on new years and they were very accepting (and not really surprised). I told my parents late at night on Valentine's Day. The whole family has been really great about everything.
As far as my spirituality is concerned, I don't feel any less spiritual. I just channel my spirituality a little differently now. I obviously have left the church, but I don't feel any hostility toward any of its members. I understand that (most) of their concerns stem from a deeply founded belief that I have "chosen" condemnation and that can be hard for a lot of people to understand. However, I know that God would never make someone feel guilty about who they are. I suppose I COULD try harder. . . ya know, find some poor, innocent girl, hurry her to the temple and continue to suppress whatever instincts I might be feeling, but the risk of snapping later in life is too great and I don't see the need to involve somebody else in that.
My coming out journey has been rather pleasant. In fact, sometimes I wonder why I deserve just an easy road. My family is super understanding, I haven't really lost any friends. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is a huge part of my life. It's unfortunate, but in our community, not a lot of young men get to have such an easy time with this. You probably weren't aware, but within the last month, there have been 3 young, gay, mormon boys who have taken their own lives. Devastating.
Thanks for taking an interest, and if anybody asks you what's going on, perhaps you can educate them a little.
I miss you, but I consider you a lifer in the friend department.