"When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and
remember each other."

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Wet, Hot Mess

Hello all!!!

I am so sorry it has been so long since I updated you on my Quest for Kyle. To be honest, I haven't made much headway. I gave up soda there for a minute, then I realized that I was replacing the carbonated void with beer. Imagine my shock when I failed to lose any weight.

Never fear!!! Bikram is here!

A dear friend of mine has been raving about the benefits of doing Bikram yoga. For those of you who don't know what this is, allow me to explain. Bikram is basic yoga - done in a 120 degree room with an incredible amount of humidity. I had my first class a couple days ago and I loved it.

On the way to the yoga studio, my friend was giving me all sorts of tips and best practices.

"Keep your eyes open and focus on yourself in the mirror."

"Breathe through your nose."

"If you think you're going to fart, stand in the back."

She had prepped me the day before by warning that I need to be completely hydrated in order to survive. I drank at least 14 bottles of water throughout the day.

When we walked into the studio, it wasn't the heat or humidity that startled me. It was the overwhelming smell of curry. "Great," I thought to myself... "I get to work out while being constantly reminded of my love for Indian cuisine."

My friend instructed me to lay my newly purchased yoga mat on the line behind her. I let the mat unroll, hitting the ground with a thud - apparently disrupting the pre-meditative state of my fellow classmates.

I hushedly finished setting up and laid on the mat, waiting for class to begin.

Only three long minutes after class was scheduled to begin, a short, perky lady walked in with a Britney Spears microphone around her ear.

"Welcome friends. I hear we have some new friends among us. Raise your hands."

I followed the instruction.

"Hello new friends. What are your names?"

My fellow greenie was named Peter. It took all the energy I had left from laying in the extreme climate to audibly pronounce my name for the instructor.

"Your name is Ky?"


Great. Class has been going for all of three minutes, and I've already lost my ability to articulate - that's all I had going for me up until this point.

And so we began...

My entire day before class was spent researching Bikram. I knew for damn sure that I wasn't about to wear the standard tiny shorts worn by my fellow yogies. I showed up in compression shorts, some gym shorts, and a dry-fit tennis shirt. Apparently I was overdressed...

During one of the starting poses the teacher looked at me and said "Maybe some shorter shorts next time? The shorter the better..."

Easy for her to say. Perky little thing.

Class continued, and I was feeling silly. That is, or course, up until the point where I almost passed out. I had been told before class that I shouldn't feel bad about needing to sit down during the class. Unfortunately, I am driven by competition and being a bad-ass (surprised?) and felt like sitting down would be unacceptable. My mind quickly changed when I felt the contents of my stomach attempt to cross my esophageal sphincter.

So I sat.

In sweaty shame.

The class continued around me, as I watched all of these super-humans fold and twist their bodies into previously unimaginable poses.

When I finally felt well enough to not vomit, I stood up and dove right back into the class. I only had to sit down two or three more times throughout the rest of the class.

Don't let what sounds like a miserable experience fool you. I loved it. I walked out of the room feeling a sense of accomplishment that I haven't felt since I lost my first tennis match. Though I was unable to complete all of the poses, I still felt incredible. I had found this previously untapped source of energy somewhere inside me. I knew I had accomplished something when I stared down the Taco Bell on the way home from class and had no desire for a bean n cheese burrito (with no onions).

The next morning, I practically jumped out of bed. Feeling renewed and amazing. I didn't need my usual morning RockStar (sugar-free, taurine-full, of course).

Needless to say (?)... I can't wait to go back.


Amanda McKnight said...

When I finally felt well enough to not vomit. Lol. Sorry my favorite line. Well done Kyle! I thought it had something to do with a bike? Hehe. You can always join me in waterworks at Gold's when you aren't at bikram! Miss ya lots.

Joe and Amie said...

I loved my regular yoga class. I should give this a try!

Becky Green said...

oo, sounds cool! and it also sounds like exactly what would happen to me if i went :)

Marye said...

LOVE bicram yoga! Most amazing thing ever!

Rach said...

you're a wet, hot mess.

CaseyK said...

This was so full of personality. I really enjoyed your voice in this. I saw everything so vividly. :]